STARTING OVER TO CREATE THE LIFE YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED: HERE’S HOW
We all know that change is the only constant thing in life. We all go through changes, be it physical or mental. There is no escaping it. This said, there are those of us that embrace changes better than others, and there are those of us who seem to suck at embracing and making the most of changes, especially when they are unplanned.
By the time we hit our mid-thirties, most of us have settled down into a certain rhythm of life, and the last thing we want to do is to alter this rhythm and change ourselves. More often than not, our lives are not as we expected, nowhere near we would have envisaged ourselves to be at this point in our lives. We know there is something better, yearn to do better, want to be all that we had ever dreamed we would be.
Yet, the familiar is too familiar to be let go of. We don’t love our lives, but it is all we know and we are often reluctant to start over in order to create the life we’ve always wanted.
If you have ever been in a place where you know that things aren’t just working out, wouldn’t you love to start over? It may be in your personal relationships or in your career, but odds are that you have once (probably more than once) had the feeling of being stuck and unhappy with the way things are.
Well, you need to know that it’s not too late to start over. Our society has grown and yet continues to grow at such a fast pace that we now have more opportunities to do things that were in the past generation thought to be impossible once you reached a certain age, or if you are past a certain phase in life. Today, more and more people are breaking stereotypes and pushing boundaries.
You too can. You can begin to take the steps towards creating the life you’ve always desired. Here’s how:
Accept change: You will need to accept and be okay with the fact that you’re no longer the person you used to be. You need to understand that you may no longer be attracted to the same things or persons you used to be attracted to, and/or that you’re no longer driven by the same goals. You need to tell yourself that it is okay to be okay with this without blaming yourself. This is perhaps the hardest part of the process, but once you get past the acceptance stage, you will be amazed at how quick the rest of your life falls into place.
Leave: Your job is boring and you’ve always wanted to start your own business? Your relationship is abusive and you know it? Just up and leave. Life is a long stretch of unknowns and you need to embrace the unknown if you are to make anything meaningful of your life. Even though you don’t with certainty know what will happen when you quit that job or when you leave that abusive spouse or when you enroll in college-aged forty, if the possible outcome is better than your present situation, please take a leap of faith and leave.
Grieve: When you leave a familiar situation for an unfamiliar situation, you will probably leave someone or something behind, and yes, it will hurt. Many people return to their old lives because they hurt so bad at the beginning stages of their new lives and they are not prepared to handle the hurt. Be prepared. It doesn’t matter that you are leaving an abusive relationship, you will still miss him/her. It doesn’t matter that your job was sucking the creativity out of you, you will still miss the paycheck if you decide to quit. It will feel like you lost somebody or something. Your hopes will feel broken down. Accept this and give yourself time to grieve.
Talk to somebody: You will feel overwhelmed a lot of times when you are starting your life over, and you will often need someone to talk to. Get it out of your chest and into the open. If you have friends who are willing to listen, talk to them. If you don’t think any of your friends will be interested in what you have to say or wouldn’t understand, talk to a therapist.
Find out what went wrong: Something must have gone wrong, whether on your part or one someone else’s part. If the mistakes were yours, accept that. If someone else did something wrong to you, don’t forget it, even if you have forgiven them.
Make peace with your past: You must accept all of your past defeats as well as victories. Learn to accept all of your outstanding decisions and your stupid ones. Accept your strokes of genius and your mistakes. Accept them, own them, and make peace with them.
Clean up: If there are things that remind you so much of the past and in a way that drags you down, get rid of them. These may be clothes, devices, books. You’ll finally realize that these things are not you and that the more you let go, the lighter you’ll feel so that you can move easier and faster into your new future.
Journal: Write about your life and your situation and the events that got you to where you are today. This is a kind of catharsis that you can go back to every now and then. Years down the line, it will let you know how far you’ve come with your life.
Make a plan for the future: We all had grand dreams for our future when we were young and before life and reality set in. Regain your ability to dream and make a plan for your future. If you weren’t encumbered by reality, what will you do with your life? Now plan to achieve your goal even in the presence of obstacles.